"Does My Butt Look Fat?"

Question: As a black woman, what is the biggest issue you have in dealing with white women? Does this issue seem to be across the board with all women or just white? What do you suggest your readers should do to try to improve issues between our races and gender?

Answer: I can honestly say that I don’t have problems with white women per se. I usually just have problems with women. Not because I am so mean but because they ask rhetorical questions- not looking for a response- and I give them an answer.

“Does my butt look fat in this?” she will ask.
“Um, actually it does. Maybe you should try on some pants that have pockets on the butt to take the attention away from its size.”
“You are sooo mean!” she says appalled that I’ve told her what she already knows to be the truth.

The only time this could be a compliment is if "she" were wearing Apple Bottom brand jeans which have a special cut that apparently makes all butts look good... needless to say: "she" is not!

Why do women or people ask questions aloud that they don’t really want the answer to? It’s confusing. And I don’t want to be known as a liar. I take a sort of pride in knowing that I am telling the truth at all costs. I have a saying, “The truth is the truth no matter how much it hurts.”

So, to answer the first part of your question: I don’t have a problem with white women I have “problems” with women in general. Why must we be so confusing?
In response to part two of your question: In order to improve issues between races and our gender, we must begin teaching to judge people by their character and not their skin color (achemm! Sound familiar? Can I say Martin Luther King, Jr.???) There are good people and there are not so good people. The race or gender of a person is not the deciding factor of whether or not someone is a jerk. Judging people just by what’s on the outside is always uncalled for (although it seems to be the natural response) and helps perpetuate the hate that we see each day.

A Real Question!!!

Question: Why is it that black women get braids in their hair when the end result is their hair falling out?

Answer: The normal end result is not having the hair fall out; that only happens when the braider (person braiding the hair) braids it too tight or when the person with the braided hair styles it and pulls it too tight. This happens because the hair is essentially getting pulled out by the roots… not good, to say the least. There are some warning signs that this is occurring:

• Itchy scalp
• Little bumps on the scalp- if this happens, remove the braids immediately
• If the braids hurt, they are too tight- take those suckers out!
(I got these tips from nappturality.com)

I will admit that when I got my hair done in the twists that I have now, it hurt like heck! I am not used to having people all up in my hair and pulling, etc. It was uncomfortable. But 5 hours later, when my hair was done, I could smile and turn my head all the way around. Which is not the normal case. Usually it hurts to smile. And no one will be permitted to touch the hair, for sure! (I had to put that in for my friend Kinfinity, lol). Touching the hair a ‘no-no’ because it frickin’ hurts! My husband stuck his hand out touch my hair the other day and I literally flinched in anticipation of the pain.

I’m happy to answer any other questions you may have,
La-a

Under Construction

(continued from "Good Hair" blog entry)

A perm is made up of a very strong chemical called sodium hydroxide a.k.a. creamy crack. And this mess is no joke! It is sometimes called creamy crack because once we get a relaxer, we are pretty much addicted for life. Getting off is nearly impossible so it seems that continuing the process is the only choice. Month after month; year after year. Held hostage by what we perceive to be a need. A mark of beauty. A symbol of social acceptance.

What I wanna know is why we (black women) are not satisfied with the hair the God gave us? I guess the same question can be posed for people who have naturally straight hair and do everything within their power to make it curly. Why? Why? Why?

Taking all of this into consideration- and marking another change that I have made in my life- I am not perming my hair EVER again or for at least 2 years or more- and then after that, I guess there won’t be real reason for me to start back on the “creamy crack.” My husband likes curly hair (although I am not sure he knows what he is asking for as far as I’m concerned) and so I am going to grow out my relaxer and see if underneath all- well, my hair is short by any standard but you know what I mean- of this chemically treated hair I still have it: good hair.

But, for now, I am under construction.

For more info: check out the movie “Good Hair” by Chris Rock. It’s kinda like Morgan Spurlock’s movie “Super Size Me” but for black hair. You can rent it at Blockbuster.

Good Hair

Growing up, I often heard the term “good hair” when I was down in Louisiana visiting my mom’s family- I also heard things like “uppity” and “ high yellow” but those are stories for another day. When my aunt’s talked at me (yes, I do mean: at) they would comment on my hair and how “good” it was. I know that you don’t understand what that means, but I am about to drop a little knowledge on you.

Good hair is hair that is soft to the touch and manageable. Black women, especially, want to have good hair because it ‘blows in the wind.’ By ‘blows in the wind’ I mean that when the wind blows, your hair flows with it instead of sticking straight up and making you look like a crack head. So when a black person tells another black person that they have “good hair,” it’s a compliment.

Black hair in its natural state is not “good”- which is why it is really surprising that my aunties said that I had “good hair.” In its natural state black hair is kinky a.k.a. nappy, dry and seemingly impossible to control (unless you are walking around with a black power hair pic in your hair or you happen to be mixed- one parent is black and the other parent is of another race/ethnicity). Since, we feel that our hair is unmanageable, we “perm” it. Not the kind of perm that makes straight hair curly but the kind that makes curly hair straight.

Stay tuned for more on relaxers and where I stand on the issue...

Any Questions?

So, I started this blog under the assumption that people would be chomping at the bit to ask all kinds of random questions about black people. What we like. Why we do what we do. What is a sellout? How come all black people can dance? Can all black people dance? What about basketball? Do black people own stock in Jordans? If black people are so proud of being black, why do they spend so much money straightening their hair? How come when a black person wears a brightly colored outfit they get compliments and look trendy but when a non black person does it, they're called wanna-be's or posers? What’s up with all the ‘sha’ and ‘qua’ sounds in black people’s names? What does it mean to "talk black?"

These are the types of questions that I expected to hear from my curious readers. What do I get? Nadda. No questions what-so-ever. It’s hard for me to believe that no one has any questions. Don’t let my calling some of the student’s questions stupid deter you from asking those things that have plagued your mind for weeks, months or years! That’s all part of the fun: You ask the questions (dumb or not); and I give the answers! It’s the perfect setup if you ask me.

Questions and Answers

So, I’m taking calculus right now and I’m trying pretty hard to not let it kick my butt. I had a test on Wednesday and I was kinda stressing out about it (I know, stressing is definitely an excellent test taking strategy). So, of course, I was a little short tempered with the kids at school. I was fighting a headache and a stomach ache but I managed to make it through the day and make it to my test- although I was 10 minutes late. I’m not sure how the test went, but I wanted to say something that happened the following day as I was leaving work to go to an early class:

So, as I was leaving for class one of the kids stopped me. This kid is one of my favorites (I have a lot of faves) even though I don’t know why.
“Mrs. Sam! I hope you fail your math test!” he says.
What the frickin’ heck! Why would he say that? We usually joke around, but that was really low.
“I already took my test yesterday… Good thing.” I retorted.
The silly expression on his face changes. “What do you do on your math tests?” he asks.
“Ummm… math. What do you mean?” I say.
“Well, are there only math problems? Or are there words on there, too?”
“There’s both.”
“Well its math it shouldn’t have words.”
“Well, math does have words and all of the words correlate to ideas in math, right?”
He looks at me confused.
And then I have to ask, “Any more stupid questions?”

The only reason that I am saying that it was a stupid question is because what the heck else would a math test have on it than math stuff? Come on! But after I thought about it a little later, I realized- with the help of my husband- that the student probably knows nothing about college and didn’t even realize that he was asking a silly question. I have to learn to cut them a little bit of slack.

Pride

So, I don’t want to sound typical, but I don’t know how to swim. I mean, I used to. I don’t know what happened that made me “forget,” but one day, I just didn’t know how to do it.
My in-laws have a pool in their backyard. My husband has been trying to convince me to be his swimming prodigy since we got married (almost four years ago). But I’m scared… I’ll admit it! And I don’t want to mess up my hair.
My husband understood how I could be scared. But not wanting to mess up my hair?! He was baffled, “Can’t you just do your hair after you get out of the pool?”
Ummmmm… no. Today is not my hair day; Saturday is. You really should know this by now.
I think this to myself. I want to tell him nicely but I can’t imagine myself saying it without my voice being laced with frustration and frustration’s Siamese twin, sarcasm. So I remind him of a funny scene from a movie we saw.
“It’s like that movie, Pride, about the black swim team. The guy wants to swim but also wants to make sure his afro doesn’t get messed up.” That’s part of what makes that scene so funny. I understood where the guy was coming from. There is a lot of preparation that comes with “doing” ethnic hair. No need to mess it up early and double my hair time for the week just to be embarrassed and paralyzed with fear when the freezing cold water comes up to my chest. I Don’t Think So.