a dream deferred...

I'm sam.i.am and I'm an English major.

I have officially changed my major back to English! (Cue applause) The math thing (although I love it) was not working out. I was feeling quite dumb to be honest and realistically I need to finish school so I can begin teaching already! I put myself 1.5 years behind pursuing the math thing and though I do plan on accomplishing that goal in my lifetime, right now, I am going to focus on my love, English, and earn my bachelor’s degree in that field. With the knowledge that I already have in mathematics, I can probably test for my endorsement for K-8 math… for now, I am fine with that. It just gives me yet another goal to work towards.

So from this information, you can deduce the outcome of Calc Redo and Calc Take 3. I’m not giving up per se; I am just putting it on hold.

La-a out!

Gettin' 'Er Done!

Summer Session II is underway and I am working really hard to do the very best that I can in what I like to call my “Calc Redo.” Remember in the 90s when Pepsi attempted (not so successfully) to market the Pepsi remix soda…that’s my inspiration… except I will be successful. Since I am a follower of Christ, I believe that I can get assurance and peace from the Word of God a.k.a. the Bible. The scripture that I am standing on is Phillipians 4:13- “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Another thing that I am doing to ensure that I am doing my absolute best is that I am going to the Rec. Center to exercise and get the blood flowing to my brain before I go to tutoring. I’m not playing around! I want to be able to say at the end of this that I did the best that I possibly could. I’m not sure if I could live with myself doing only a portion of my best.

Again...

I decided to start writing again. I was going crazy. A lot has been going on, but mostly I have been wrapping my head around the fact that I won’t graduate college until 2013! Yep, you heard me. I changed my major to math and it’s kinds like I am starting all over again. My little sister is a freshman now at the same university. I have to graduate first! (A little sibling rivalry never hurt anyone!)

I've also embraced my natural hair. As you may remember, I BC’d (big chopped) In April. But it seems that I have become obsessed with trying to keep my hair moisturized. I have severely dry skin and it is showing up in my hair. It used to peel down to my forehead (I know, really gross). So I have been trying to see what I can find to get some moisture to stay in this head of mine. We’ll see what I come up with…


ForgivenLovedandFearless

Not Quite Perfect

So, I finally got all of my grades in for the semester and I have learned, yet again, that I am not perfect. I earned 4 A's (go me!) and 1 E (for those of us old schoolers an F). I am thinking that this is God's way of telling me that I am not perfect.

When I was writing during the semester I talked about having a hard time with my calc class. I worked hard, did most of my homework (until the end when I suffered from the 'What the heck?' mentality) and went to class even when I knew there was no hope of passing.

I got my grades in one by one. And when they were all in, I realized that I actually did pretty good for my first semester back, but I also realized that I am (re)learning a lesson that I already knew: I am not perfect. I do not know everything.

But with this new thing that I am learning I am also learning to persevere even when it seems that I should change course and study something that comes a little easier to me. I will do fine the next time and I will (with help from above) accomplish my goal.

I have learned that I am not quite perfect.

Setting Captives Free

As part of the new chapter in my life, I have begun an online Bible study called The Lord's Table from a website called Setting Captives Free. It is a Christian website that has a bunch of free Bible studies to help people overcome things in their lives such as: pornography, overeating, alcoholism.

Since I am about 40 pounds overweight and I don't exercise at all, I have come to the conclusion that I have a problem. I am either lazy or a pig! (I don't know which one...maybe both!)

So, I am going to be keeping track of my progress through this blog. Hopefully it goes well. Wish me luck!

Losing

One Art
Elizabeth Bishop


The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! My last, or
next-to-last, of three beloved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

-- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) a disaster.


I love this poem! I was watching the movie "In Her Shoes" and the part where Cameron Diaz is mastering the skill of reading with the guy from the nursing home, then he tells her that she is "a smart girl." I get teary eyed every time. Every. Single. Time.

La-a Out!

When I started this blog, I intended to be a forum or question and answer sort of blog where people could feel free to ask questions about black people specifically. It was my intent to answer openly and honestly from what I know to be true from my life and experiences. This task proved to be too much: no one really felt open enough to ask questions (for the most part). I’m not exactly sure why. But then a problem surfaced: How can a person have a Q and A blog without any Q’s? So, I wrote a blog about not getting any questions. This resulted in getting a couple of questions that I answered promptly and knowledgeably. But then, it was back to the day to day- no questions and no answers.

I also wrote about silly questions that the students at school where I work would ask me. I have to admit that I was even surprised by some of the questions they asked (but I can’t fault them, at least they were brave enough to ask!) I talked about my decision to grow out my natural hair and the inner conflicts that this decision brought up. I ranted about things that were annoying me (there were lots).

But as they say, “All good things must come to an end.” And, for me, for this semester, for this time, this is the end. In a few weeks the school year will be over and I will be venturing out as a full time student at the U of A and a full time house wife. I will no longer be employed at the high school with the kids that made me laugh so much and frustrated me beyond belief. I am pursuing my bachelor’s degree in Math Education and will be focusing all (or at least most) of my energy to that end. I intend to continue blogging but with a different mission: structure, sorting out feelings and therapy. My blog will still be located in this space but it will be different. This time it will be for me.

Thanks for reading, commenting and sharing your thoughts with me.

La-a